Posted in Couch Talks, Deep Thoughts, Life Moments

To love… or not to love: how much of myself do I invest in others?

Happy couple, happy family. Happy family, happy society. Happy society, happy world! 

Rewind… First of all, how do we get to the happy couple stage? 

Backstory: I was comparing today’s pre-marriage processes with how it was done in other eras. People of the past used to investigate and carefully select the family of the bride or the groom before choosing a spouse for their children. Education, heath, values, and morals, they checked every detail they deemed necessary. They knew well that every individual comes with their own background, and what they bring with them affects marriage life and even their future children.

Nowadays, people choose based on “tingles in the chest” or “heartthrobs”. Anecdotally, I’ve heard in a K-drama that it takes only 3 secs to fall in love. Well, it’s possible. However, for a relationship to last, it will take more than just butterflies in your stomach. 

 1- Love: From us to others

 At first, dating was a “preliminary process” where lovers met for different activities to know each other better. In modern times, falling in love seems to not be the only reason why couples are formed.

The original purpose seems to be disappearing. People look more focused on choosing a person they deem cool to hang out with, share meals, exchange gifts, have fun and entertain themselves. 

Peer pressure in schools sometimes pushes young people to date because it’s “ trendy” and they don’t want to be the odd one out. It’s “cool” to have a boyfriend/girlfriend, a.k.a “your special person that is special to you and that treats you specially as well. You don’t have one? Bummer”.

On the other hand, society teaches us how to impress others by looking good, kissing good and developing our attractiveness etc… But…  it hardly teaches how to genuinely care.

One time, I heard an interesting reflection that has left me quite impacted. It tells about how we make our list of requirements: how we want them to look like, what we expect them to do for us etc… It’s not a bad thing. Nonetheless; as we set the bar so high for others… What do we have to offer them?

That hit me… I immediately reexamined my standards. I resolved to improve daily as a person, in accordance with the qualities I would ideally like to receive.

Why are you attracted to the person you like? Is it a “heart tingle”, “butterflies”, “trend”? Or are you genuinely in love with them, and you want to be by their side to make them happy? Introspect in your heart and check your motives… 

2- Love: From others  to us

Humans beings are complex and constantly changing. There is no fixed formula to handle social relations, and there is no way to fully grasp who a person really is. Your loved one may try to “fix themselves” for you; however, their nature might be stronger and more unmoveable than you think. Old habits die hard. Make sure that at least the majority of what you perceive or know about them is not fake.

When you allow somebody in your life, you are investing your time, your body, your mind, your heart, YOURSELF. Be sure that the person receiving is worth it. Enquire about everything you WANT to know and NEED to know about them. Check what you’re getting yourself into, and ask yourself: “Can I bear with this for the rest of my life?”

Anytime you see something that you consider a red alert, don’t ignore the signs. It might come back to bite you later. Love with your eyes open! Don’t lose yourself to someone else. You’ve got only one life to live, so take care of yourself and choose what’s good for you. What is healthy for your body and your mind.

In a nutshell… Love yourself, and also love others. Loving oneself is different from being selfish, and loving others doesn’t mean they should prosper at the cost of you. It’s all about balance.

Also remember: Love is not a feeling, it is a decision.

Happy Valentine’s day!

Forever overthinking and forever meditating,

Nuna Blomevi.

Posted in Colloquial, Kdrama

If Korean Dramas were African Dramas (II): How to confess your love

Confessing your love to your crush is an important step to go further in an relationship and making it official. One of the things that make K-dramas peculiar is that the plot takes its sweet time to carefully display the “how they fell in love” process. Starting by how they met, the struggles they go through, the oppositions, the doubts etc… finally, after making us sweat for so many episodes in anxiety and frustration, the time of confession has finally arrived. How you say it is important, as well as where. (By the way, if before it was generally guys who made a move and girls somehow had to wait to hear the sweet magic words “I like you”, nowadays it doesn’t really matter who says it first). Every love confession depends on the person and on circumstances, but let’s look at the usual ones. Here goes “Drama Dating 101”…

1-  Before they start to date:

  • How the plot goes in a K-drama: “the purgatory before heaven, then they are happy ever after ”. They go through hoops and loops (love triangle, love-hate misunderstandings, etc)
  • How the plot goes in an A- Drama: “win his/ her heart at all cost”

He to win her: is unusually attentive, takes her out to eat, buys her expensive gifts, invites her to fancy places

She to win him: plays hard to get, shows off her cooking skills, buys expensive clothes or hair to dress up, and gathers an army of friends to consult them on dating advices.

2- Some popular pick-up lines

  • K-drama

The territorial type: You are mine.

The forward  type: I like you. Let’s date. Today is our Day 1 as a couple.

The blackmail type: (Offers a drink) You accepting this means we’re dating.

The superstitious: Us meeting like this can’t be a coincidence. It must be fate.

  • A-Drama:

The poetic type:  You are as beautiful as the moon that shines at midnight.

The horny type: I like what I see.

The family type: Would you be the father/mother of my children?

The symptomatic type: Whenever I see you, my heart starts to beat uncontrollably.

The dramatic type: I can’t live without you.

3 – Where to confess. Goal: swipe him/her off his/her feet in one go

  • K-drama

*The public show-off: choose a busy street with a lot of passers-by and shout your love for all to hear (currently getting unpopular)

*The special event: buy a lot of balloons, candles, flowers and make it peculiar.

*The student confession: buy your classmate crush a drink.

  • Afr-drama:

Usually the forward type: don’t waste time or materials (Save it for the marriage proposal). Just gather your courage and tell her you like him/her. However, make sure to make it a bit cheesy, solemn and show as much sincerity as you can as if your life depends on it.

You’re going to confess to your crush? Go,go, go! Hwaiting!😊